


Scorching White

by Sugar_and_Salt



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, alternative universe, implied rape, slight!smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:32:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugar_and_Salt/pseuds/Sugar_and_Salt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo and Tao made for an odd couple. At first sight, you wouldn't expect them to be like this. Seeing the shorter one aggressively standing up for his boyfriend while said one tried to cower behind him was amusing, to say the least. Little did their friends know that in this case even the second sight could be deceiving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scorching White

If you would have asked Tao whether he believed in love at first sight two years ago, he would have nodded enthusiastically, with eyes sparkling of dreams and ideals.

If you would have asked Kyungsoo whether he believed in love at first sight about two years ago he would have given you a look so judging you'd feel embarrassed for even considering this.

 

 

Kyungsoo and Tao made an odd couple.  
Kyungsoo was rather petite and soft-looking while Tao was tall and lean.  
Kyungsoo was quiet and private whereas Tao was bubbly and easily-trusting.  
One had gentle features with big dark eyes, equally dark tufts of silky hair and fair skin with a pair of plush lips... whereas the other sported masculine and heavy features with feline eyes, curled lips and an exotic combination of slightly tanned skin with sandy-blonde hair, giving him a mysterious vibe.

Kyungsoo and Tao made an entirely unpredictable couple.  
Outsiders would have predicted the tall Chinese to protect his lithe boyfriend when it was everything but that.  
No matter how scary Tao looked at first sight and how deadly his Wushu moves could have been... he was a soft and emotional being. Easily hurt by verbal insults he was one to cry at chick flicks and claw at his boyfriend's arm in terror at the prospect of haunted houses and the likes.  
Kyungsoo on the other hand was a person you wouldn't want to mess with. The petite boy was neither fazed by verbal nor physical threats. He was quiet but his words could pierce as much as his gaze when he meant them to.  
And he did, whenever someone would so much as dare to offend his boyfriend.

It was almost comical to all their friends.  
How Kyungsoo would stand up for Tao, not letting anyone insult or attack him.  
There even had been occasions when Kyungsoo physically fend off some guys while Tao had broken into tears.

Even though the two seemed fairly close with each other, they never got physical in public.  
It took a year for any of their friends to witness Tao stealthily pecking his boyfriend on the cheek.  
And he had been pretty tipsy that evening. All in all their mutual group of friends couldn't help but to poke fun at Tao's timid and submissive behavior, in turn risking the wrath of his fierce boyfriend.

This was the reality people saw at first sight. And it was in no way a lie.  
It was just that under the heavy blanket of that reality, things turned out to be quite different, actually.

 

The shutters were loosely closed, allowing a dotted sea of honey-golden light rays to sprinkle the otherwise fairly dark room. The dots were lying perfectly still on the floor whereas the ones crawling up the bed were slightly shaking whenever one of the figures on the bed made a movement and the bed sheets followed them.  
Kyungsoo panted lightly. He felt warm. Hot even. He didn't move a lot. his legs were orderly folded beneath him, his back supported by the solid wall behind him and his hands were lying on the upper arms of the boy before him, holding them tightly.  
He wasn't too sure on how they got there when all they had been doing was pecking each other innocently just a few minutes before. Now he was lightly pressed against the wall of Tao's bedroom with the blonde one hovering so close and the smell of his aftershave mixed with that sweet, distinct smell of Tao was intoxicating him. His hands were currently rubbing Kyungsoo's clothed shoulders carefully as his mouth wandered from his lips to his cheeks and he felt nervosity twitching inside him. Even though Tao was always gentle, he could sense how turned on the other was when he nuzzled his nose into his hair to inhale his scent and pressed his lips onto his skin a little more insistingly than usual. It pressed the air in his lungs together and he kept his eyes firmly shut, afraid of the sight.  
The anxiety kept pricking him with every inch Tao moved. The warmth seemed to increase as Tao languidly rubbed their cheeks together like a cat. His grip tightened into the bare arms, causing the dots of light to shift themselves along the expanses of muscles. Even though his breath was hitching, no other sound escaped his tightly closed mouth. His head felt dizzy and when the other buried his head in his neck and pressed his lips against his sweaty skin hard, he flinched and grasped him tighter, tensing up even more. A barely audible groan escaped the blonde as his nails pierced the tan skin and drew tiny droplets of blood. He could feel him withdrawing, brushing his nose against his ear in the movement and slightly panicked.  
"D-don't stop." he quietly said with most of his usually dominant nature in tact. Most of it.  
He rearranged his hand so he wouldn't scrape him any further, carefully touching him with the pads of his fingers.  
"Soo, we don't need-"  
"I said Don't. Stop.", he commanded more forcefully with his eyes still closed in concentration, trying to keep his breathing at bay.  
He could feel the uncertainty in the puffy breaths that met his neck and send a shiver down his spine.  
Tao was hesitant, but also so very needy. The tension he could feel from him made him a little shaky. The air fanning over his skin moved and the body across him, the one encasing him, capturing him, suffocating him shifted as he pressed a kiss to his ear and Kyungsoo flinched again, letting out a strangled whimpering sound.  
Tao immediately withdrew his head and sat up straighter, letting his hands glide down his arms to intertwine their fingers.  
"Shh. It's okay." he softly assured him, but Kyungsoo could see the spark of sadness in his eyes and before he knew it, he was crying. The blonde rubbed his fingers over the back of his hand but didn't dare to move any closer, waiting for permission.  
Kyungsoo sobbed in between his ragged breathing and grasped the other's hand tightly to hide his trembles.  
"Why d-did you stop?! Do it... Again, just do it!"  
Tao only made another hushing noise as he soothingly drew circles into the other's skin.  
"I won't do anything. Kyungsoo. I don't want to hurt you. It's not that im-"  
"SHUT UP! Don't lie to me!"  
Even though he lashed out aggressively, Tao didn't even flinch and much less let go of him.  
Angry Kyungsoo was scary but the trembling, miserable boy before him was anything but that.  
When the shorter one trailed his hands upwards over his bare arms and shot him a helpless look the blonde pulled him into a careful embrace without hesitation. The room was still quiet as the dots of light elongated until they softly faded and nothing but muffled sobs and choked whispers were filling the room.  
"I'm sorry..."

"So sorry..."

There were soft hushes as hands gently petted the black hair.  
Ungraceful sniffeling and hot tears staining the flimsy fabric of his tank top.  
And those neverending pained whispers.

"I'm sorry..."

 

It took two months of awkward advances from Tao for Kyungsoo to finally explain himself.  
It took six more months until they shared their first real kiss.  
Tao never pushed him to elaborate on the details of his past experiences. All he knew was that the non-consensual acts had left their imprints on his skin, invisible to him. The only moments where he thought he'd be able to see a glimpse of it was when the deep, dark irises of his boyfriend stared up at him, despair written in them so clearly.  
Kyungsoo didn't want to deny his boyfriend his body. He knew that physical contact was crucial for a relationship.  
And also he really wanted to please Tao.  
He was determined not to give up.

 

They had been together for about two years and had never gotten past kissing and the occasional sneaky hand below Kyungsoo's shirt. And Kyungsoo grew more and more frantic. He was frustrated at his lack of progress. And also afraid.  
Of course deep inside he knew. Knew that Tao would never ever harm him.  
Knew that no matter how far gone, he would stop himself in an instant if he told him to.  
He was genuinely certain about that. But his subconscious still begged to differ.  
And no matter how brightly his boyfriends eyes shone with admiration for him as they were lying next to each other in bed with a considerable distance between them... The fear grew everyday. That ultimately, he wouldn't be enough.

It had been a considerably long and tiring day when Kyungsoo returned to their shared apartment in the early evening hours.  
He had been looking forward to returning home with mild curiosity though. Around noon Tao had texted him that he'd have a surprise waiting for him. It was neither their anniversary nor any other special holiday. Just a regular day in mid-June with warm weather and nothing special going on whatsoever, so he was more than a little intrigued.  
Tao was already home when he stepped inside and greeted him cheerily, though Kyungsoo could immediately tell something was off. Something in his smile seemed tense and he immediately grew suspicious.  
"Soo, are you hungry?"  
He shrugged while still observing him closely.  
"Not particularly... But I can cook if you're-"  
"That's great! I mean. I'm not hungry either. So... You can go ahead, I already showered."  
Still with justified doubts written all over his face, he slowly nodded.  
"Alriiight... So... What was it that you wanted to show me?"  
But Tao merely smiled his kittenish smile as he pushed his shorter boyfriend to the bathroom.  
"Later. J-just shower first, okay?"

 

And when Kyungsoo stood in the bright bathroom with a towel in one hand and pyjamas in the other, his confusion had turned into worry. Tao had been tense and nervous. Why? Was he planning on telling him bad news? He wouldn't have named it a surprise, then. He felt a faint shudder running through him before the hot water relaxed his muscles.  
Maybe he was already up for another try at... making out.  
Kyungsoo wasn't even exactly prudish. He had seen all there was to see, never short on juvenile curiosity. He had touched himself before. But this... was different.  
It was a fine line. So ridiculously fine that neither Kyungsoo and much less Tao were able to predict when it would happen.  
One second everything was going smoothly with them sitting close and leaning onto each other. Tao would rest his chin on his head and even embrace him sideways. Everything would be calm until one tiny movement of Tao would suddenly make him flip, forcefully pushing the other off and crawling away a bit.  
Misinterpreting the sad spark in his grey eyes for disappointment, Kyungsoo would immediately feel bad about it.

Needless to say, Kyungsoo was a nervous wreck when he finally exited the bathroom.  
His fingers alternately curled into a tight fist and loosened up again to distract himself.  
With little hopes he poked his head into the kitchen and living room only to find them empty.  
Taking another deep breath he went into their shared bedroom to see Tao sitting at the edge of the bed, already dressed in his sleeping wear consisting of a loose tank top and comfy boxer shorts.  
He looked up and shot him another of this nervous smiles.  
"Kyungsoo. You're back."  
Again, he cautiously nodded as he ruffled the towel through his damp hair one last time before placing it over the back of a chair to join him on the bed.  
"What is it Tao? Is something wrong?" he inquired with a softness to his voice that was reserved for Tao and Tao alone.  
The blonde only shook his head. and turned his body to completely face his boyfriend.  
"I... Wanted to try something."  
This was it. The moment Kyungsoo had dreaded.  
The panic must have shown in his eyes since Tao immediately lifted his hands in an attempt to calm him down.  
"It's not... Let me explain, please?"  
A deafening silence followed and Tao gulped and calmly began an obviously mind-rehearsed speech.  
"Look it's about, uh... Us. Kyungsoo. I know how hard it is for you and I'm sorry for always troubling you like tha- No, let me finish. I wanted to tell you... That if we would never, ever have sex... That would be fine. Really. I would not mind that."  
Again Kyungsoo opened his mouth to protest and got interrupted by Tao's insisting, yet soft voice.  
"However! I've also noticed that you really want to fight... it. And if you're only fighting it because you feel guilty, then... You can stop. I'm serious. You do not owe me anything."  
At this he slowly took Kyungsoo's hand in his and left a feathery light kiss on the palm of it.  
A faint gasp escaped him but he didn't flinch.  
Touches like these always managed to make him feel safe and loved. So loved.  
Tao didn't say anything else and just patiently looked at him as if he was the one waiting for acceptance.  
Realizing that he was waiting for some kind of reaction, he thoroughly thought about it.  
His boyfriend deserved an honest answer.  
"I... really want to change.", he began slowly, "I wish I was able to... to do it with you. I'm sorry."  
Another flicker of what looked like disappointment to Kyungsoo was flashing over Tao's expression.  
"But...", he carefully began in a quiet voice while searching for his eyes, "...do you want to sleep with me because you feel obliged to, or...?"  
Kyungsoo bit his lip.  
"Maybe. A little. But it's not only that. I-"  
For a while he fiddled with Tao's fingers, gathering up the courage he needed.  
Talking about things like that was always a challenge for him.  
He tried his best to steady his voice and properly hold the eye-contact.  
"I-I want to... pleasure you. God, this is awkward.", he mumbled with a frustrated sigh before regaining focus, "...but not because I feel like you would leave me if I didn't. That's not it. Well, mostly. Anyway, I want to do that-"  
At this his voice dropped to a whisper and he clutched his hands even more tightly.  
"-because I love you."

For the first time that evening Tao genuinely smiled and slightly bit his lip to keep it at bay.  
He slowly leaned in to peck his boyfriend's soft lips, just for a second. They had long ago found out that Kyungsoo would tolerate most simple touches if he saw them coming. And Tao rarely pushed the boundaries in fear of ruining the nice atmosphere.  
"Thank you." he replied, still smiling.  
Now it was his time to deeply inhale and finally continue with what he had been planning all along.  
"So... I know you trust me, Soo. I have been thinking about how we could make things a little easier for you. I want to help you, too, you know? And... I want to please you, too.", he hastily added, tripping over his words a little, "I... it hurts that I scare you and make you feel pain. That's not what I ever intended. I don't want to pressure you, I want to put you at ease. And... I know you don't want to talk about... that."  
He could already feel Kyungsoo's fingers twitching in his hold and hurried to change directions.  
"Still, I would like to understand you a little better. That's why I'd like you to tell me what I am allowed to do and what feels... uncomfortable for you. J-just a mere 'no' would be alright. Or a 'yes', if it is fine and you feel like it. I will not ask any questions, promise. Would... would that be alright...?"  
Kyungsoo didn't look up when he murmured "So what if... nothing is alright?".  
A small smile graced the cat-like lips.  
"Then that's the way it is and it was about time for me to realize it."  
For a while it was quiet as Kyungsoo contemplated it.  
Then he nodded slowly.  
"Okay." he mumbled.  
"Is it really?" the blonde inquired, quite insecure himself.  
Kyungsoo nudged his shoulder. "Don't make me repeat myself! And you're supposed to listen to me, huh?" he said accusingly though Tao could hear the tiny tremble in his voice clearly.  
"I'm sorry.", he replied with a small smile at his boyfriend's pretended bravery,  
"I'll listen closely."

When Tao leaned in for a second kiss, Kyungsoo could already feel his heart beating madly.  
For anyone that was not Kyungsoo, this didn't make any sense.  
Maybe it didn't even make a lot of sense to Kyungsoo himself.  
But if you'd ask him he would answer it was due to the atmosphere. The lighthearted pecks and unintentional touches he could handle. It were mostly the touches with not-so-innocent intentions that stirred something inside him. If he could feel the anticipation, the tension... it immediately got to him.

And so he was already tense from head to toe when Tao slowly pushed his back into the soft mattress.  
The world had turned and Kyungsoo saw nothing but the plain ceiling and his boyfriend's face that hovered above him with a mix between worry and admiration written on his face. He leaned in to peck his lips. Once. Twice.  
But even though he appreciated it, he couldn't force his body to relax in fear of what was to come.  
"Remember, 'yes' or 'no', alright?" he whispered against his lips before moving over to softly kiss his cheek.  
Dutifully, Kyungsoo closed his eyes and tried to calm his nerves.  
Tao's lips and skin were warm and smooth against his. Every passing inch made him a little more wary though. And when Tao lightly blew air against his ear he flinched and had yelped a "No!" before he knew it. The movement immediately stopped and the lips returned to his cheek. He didn't intend to be overly vehement or harsh, but he'd panicked. When he felt better, Kyungsoo blindly nudged his nose against his boyfriend's face who seemed to get the meaning. The soft kisses traveled to his forehead, causing him to relax just a tiny bit. Then down to his nose and chin.  
To the middle of his adam's apple-  
He jerked and his eyes flew open as he pushed against Tao's shoulder for a second, before regaining his senses. Inhaling deeply he withdrew his hand and sank back onto his back, his voice a faint whisper.  
"No..."  
As promised Tao said nothing and returned to kissing his face.  
Only when his breathing had stabilized did he quietly speak up.  
"Can you remove your shirt?"  
It was a bold question to say the least. Kyungsoo's insides seemed to scream at him not to do it, but his head told him that it was alright. All of this was some kind of test. He just needed to tell Tao once and he would remember in the future.  
He had already gotten this far - this was a big chance he was not willing to let go.  
And so he nodded and slowly pulled the fabric over his head. When he made himself comfortable again he could see Tao's gaze subtly running over his exposed skin. He obviously didn't want to scare him away, but Kyungsoo could see him gulp as his eyes flitted downwards ever so often.  
There was no clear sign of desire and while this was supposed to make him feel at ease...  
"Why are you looking at me like that?" he harshly whispered as he stealthily tried to cover at least his sides with his bare arms.  
Snapping back to reality the words tumbled out before Tao could stop them.  
"B-because you're so beautiful. I'm a little scared I might taint you."  
"What are you even talking about..."  
Even though he was so tainted already, Kyungsoo bitterly thought.  
Now completely flustered, he closed his eyes again and waited for his boyfriend's next move with burning cheeks.  
And Tao continued his slow and thoughtful exploration, placing feathery kisses on the shivering skin. Whenever Kyungsoo would tell him to stop, he returned to a safe area until he was relaxed again. He found out that touching his chest or even nipple was not only tolerated but even met with a barely audible sigh of approval. He was a little wary concerning his shoulders, squeezing out a 'Maybe', but it was alright to touch his arms down to his wrists - which were not okay at all.

Tao didn't question it.  
He didn't want to imagine what exactly had happened to his boyfriend. It would make him angry and he wanted to focus all of his attention on the slim body beneath him. Still, when he heard the content sigh as he caressed his flat stomach and even earned himself a breathy 'Yes' when he kissed his hipbones he couldn't help but think about it. Think about what had caused his beautiful boyfriend to lean into this rather intimate touches while he almost had a panic attack when Tao's fingers slid down his sides and ears. Or wrists. Or throat.  
All those areas he felt uncomfortable with - Tao felt sick at the thought of what might have caused this fear, which movements and words. He wanted to tightly embrace him and shower him with love to wash it all away. But he knew that things didn't work that way. And that's why he kept handling him like porcelain, cradling his pale cheeks in his hands while whispering about how much he liked him against his lips. When he shifted his weight onto him since his arms were growing tired, Kyungsoo almost kneed him in the groin if it weren't for Tao's trained reflexes.  
He quickly went back to hovering above him while Kyungsoo harshly gripped the bed sheets in order to calm himself.  
"Please. Don't-" he mumbled with his voice cracking slightly. His eyes were still pressed close which pained Tao greatly.  
"You want to change...? Be on top of me...?", he cautiously suggested.  
But he only frantically shook his head in reply. Nodding to himself Tao plopped himself down sideways facing Kyungsoo, who hesitantly followed, awkwardly placing his head on his arm.  
"Better?"  
There was no obviously readable emotion in his big, dark orbs as he simply looked at him and nodded twice. Seeing no immediate fear or panic was all Tao had been asking for.  
For a moment, Kyungsoo studied his face as if thinking about something while Tao absentmindedly let his finger dance along his upper arm.  
His voice was composed as it broke the silence.  
"Should I undress my pants as well?"  
Looking mildly surprised at the blunt proposal, the blonde hesitated.  
Until his gaze fell upon Kyungsoo's hands and noticed the barely visible tremor.  
With a reassuring smile he shook his head and rested his forehead against his boyfriend's.

"Kyungsoo... You're so strong.", he mumbled and wiggled himself as close as he dared until their bodies were very lightly touching.

"So... so strong."

A quick peck to his lips and a look into deep, dark orbs which bared so many emotions he could drown in them.  
"Let's take a break for now."  
"Ok." he whispered in reply and he could immediately sense his body relaxing.  
"What about the surprise...?"  
Tao dismissed it with a calm smile.  
"Another time."

For a moment it got quiet, before Kyungsoo dared to speak up again, extremely hesitant in his choice of words.  
"So... can you still... maybe... not completely stop yet?"  
Once more Tao was taken by surprise. Then a kittenish smile slowly spread across his features he leaned in to spoil his boyfriends 'safe zones' for a little longer.

 

More than a month had passed and their anniversary was coming up. Even though Kyungsoo was hardly what you would call a romantic soul, Tao made all up for it at their first anniversary by setting up an elaborate date with all the clishe stuff he liked to squeal at in drama series. And since it was their anniversary and Kyungsoo actually did love the giant kid he decided to humor him and go along with it.  
This year, though, Kyungsoo deemed it his turn to think of something. So he specifically told Tao not to make any plans at all. And deeply regretted it after he saw his face lighting up with gleeful anticipation. Great. Now he felt like he couldn't live up to his expectations. The poor boy kept thinking back and forth on how to make it a special day.  
He thought about what Tao liked to eat but that alone felt like it wasn't enough. From his extensive experience gained by watching anime(and totally not the girly type, god forbid no) he had a vague idea that trips to the amusement park or an aquarium were almost obligatory. However, the aquarium was closed and since Tao was scared of most rides he also scratched the amusement park from his imaginary list.

With an annoyed sigh he ruffled his hair.  
He felt like he didn't put enough effort into their relationship and the thought irked him. His boyfriend was kind, lovable, and seemed to harbor an endless amount of patience and affection for him. More often than not the sarcastic and snappy Kyungsoo who was so awkward with feelings and even more so with touches felt like he didn't deserve any of this virtues, not to mention the whole deal that was Tao.  
Of course the certain clishe scenario of those less innocent animes where someone just wore a red ribbon and claimed to be the 'present' themselves also popped up in Kyungsoo's mind. It was a rather persistent image, too. And even though the idea of offering himself like this was a tidbit exhilarating -which was a big improvement for him- he knew he wouldn't be able to do it. He would freak out and then Tao would go all considerate on him and the evening would be ruined yet again.  
With a dissatisfied sigh he backed away from ideas like that and tried to search for things he could actually do.

In the end they went to the cinema after stopping at a pet shop whoms owner was a friend of Kyungsoo and let Tao pet all the fluffy animals he could get his hands on. Said one was almost vibrating with happiness, taking a dozen pictures with his phone(and later on Kyungsoo's when his own memory was stuffed to the brim). Seeing him so incredibly happy was infective and soon the shorter one found himself smiling as well and even leaning into him to peck his cheek while they sat on the floor with hyped up puppies all over them. Tao seemed to brighten up even more if this was even possible and Kyungsoo received a quick but soft kiss to his lips in response.  
After a mushy chick-flick movie at the cinema that had Tao bailing like a little kid by the end of it, they went home. Kyungsoo refused to go to some restaurant just to satisfy the unspoken dating-rules. After all, Tao had always claimed he liked his homemade food the most. So they had a thoroughly prepared and elaborate dinner at home. There were no candles or roses but judging by the never-ceasing smile on his boyfriend's face as he lightly rested his head in Kyungsoo's lap when they settled down in the living room reassured him a little.  
It still took him a few minutes of gathering up courage as he repeated the words in his head once more. Clearing his throat a little, he easily got the blonde's attention who looked up at him. It was ridiculous how the exceptionally tall figure was sprawled out on the couch, looking so submissive and pliant while Kyungsoo himself was so much more petite and fragile.  
"I don't know whether I've already said this today but... happy Anniversary.", he began while trying to uphold the eye-contact, "I know I don't tell you this very often. But everything you do for me... even if I don't say anything, I acknowledge it very well. I'm thankful for your dedication to me. I will try hard to live up to this."  
A big hand reached up to cup his cheek.  
"Why are you so formal, Soo?" he asked with that cute accent Kyungsoo had grown to adore so much.  
He smiled his disarming smile that made his eyes crinkle and heavily supported the impression of an over-grown kitty cat.  
"You know I do this because I like you. I don't need anything in return. Just stay with me and I'm happy. Don't try too hard."  
With a slight blush he nudged his shoulder.  
"Why are you being so cheesy, this was supposed to be my part. Ah, I'm so bad at this!"  
He hid his face in his hands and groaned in frustration.  
Sensing his despair Tao sat up to pet his hair. When no reaction followed he nuzzled his nose against his fingers until he finally lifted them from his face and Tao took the chance to quickly peck his cheek.  
It was nice how easily they could share simple touches like that by now.

"I love you."

The word's came out easily but they were genuine to the core nonetheless and Kyungsoo blushed upon hearing them. As soon as he opened his mouth to reply Tao softly covered his mouth with his hand.  
"...aaand I also prepared a little something. I'm... a little nervous. So... uhm. Please treat me well?"  
Tilting his head in confusion he looked at the nervous male.  
"'Treat me well'? Are you sure that's the right phrase, Tao?"  
Nodding wordlessly after a second of consideration, Tao got up and strode over to the bedroom.  
"Can you give me 2 minutes? Or no, 5?"  
And with this he left behind a very much confused and probably slightly angsty Kyungsoo in the empty living room.  
Maybe it was a present. Oh no, he hadn't actually bought a present. Had he been supposed to buy one? Probably yes. He internally cursed at himself. Now that he thought about it he could have put in a little more effort. Maybe a restaurant after all...? If only he could have at least done him a more physical favor. Why couldn't he get anything right?  
A muffled voice ripped him out of his self-depreciating thoughts.  
"Soo? I-I'm ready. Can you come over?"  
"Coming."  
Kyungsoo bit his lip. Never before had crossing the living room taken so much time. Unfortunately, their apartment wasn't exactly big so it still didn't suffice to calm the wary feeling in his stomach. He had prepared something. Probably something cheesy. And Kyungsoo had nothing to offer. Feeling guilty already he slowly pushed open the door to see something he had most certainly not expected.

 

"Oh my god."  
The words had slipped his tongue before he could stop them but he was too dumbfounded to actually feel bad about it.  
Still wearing his simple white dress shirt and the comfortable dark shorts Tao was sprawled out on the bed with his hands... handcuffed to the bedpost above his head.

With slightly parted lips Kyungsoo stood in the door frame, completely frozen.  
He had never seen his boyfriend look so meek and with every silent second passing, the panic in his face seemed to increase.  
When he couldn't take it anymore he nervously rambled "I-... it's not that. I just..."  
He lowered his gaze and Kyungsoo blinked.  
"So... you're into handcuffs?" he asked, his pathetic attempt at sounding casual ruined by the high-pitched crack in his voice.  
The blonde head shot up with embarrassed indignation all over his face.  
"What?! N-no!"  
The slightly disturbed Kyungsoo nodded slowly.  
"Riiight. Now I'm confused."  
This time he managed to sound noncommittal, even though the sight of his boyfriend made him nervous. Judging by the location of the tingling in his body it was probably a good nervous though. Still.

"It was... for you. I was thinking of you."  
Kyungsoo could feel himself growing scarlet.  
"M-me?" he asked with a squeaky voice, now holding on to the door frame more tightly in order not to completely lose it.  
Had he missed something? Had he been too rough on Tao? Had he maybe liked that?  
As if he could hear Kyungsoo's internal string of 'Oh my God-'s, Tao hastily continued, tripping over his own words.  
"B-because- I just thought because I easily scare you it might be better like this! Since, since this way I couldn't harm you even if I tried! Not that I would want that but still... I just wanted to make it easier for you..."  
He trailed off quietly with his head hanging low in shame and his eyes pressed together. Kyungsoo knew the signs. If he didn't do something real quick the blonde would burst into tears. Still, what was even going on?  
Why would Tao handcuff himself to the bed in order not to hurt him? What did this have to do with- and then it finally clicked.

"Oh." he dumbly stated.  
And then the realization spread over his face, causing his eyes to widen a little more.  
"...OH."  
Tao wanted to ease his anxiety by forcefully putting himself into a position that held no threat. No matter how aroused he would get, he wouldn't be able to lay a finger on him. Thus, Kyungsoo could always easily take a step back or stop altogether. Whatever they did, it had to be initiated by Kyungsoo himself.  
He was completely in control.

Still stunned he took in his boyfriend's sight in a whole different light. This wasn't Tao trying to force something onto him. It was the opposite, really. His gaze wandered from his uncomfortable-looking position to the still lowered head where he could see traces of pink dusting his cheeks. An almost overwhelming amount of affection came over him, warming his insides.

"I-I'm sorry, please don't laugh at me or get mad... It was a stupid idea-"  
"No."  
Realizing that he had left Tao hanging he finally stepped towards their bed with his voice sounding composed - even though his boyfriend was always able to differentiate between the fine nuances.  
"Not at all." he repeated pensively, lightly shaking his head as he sat down at the other end of the bed.  
After a moment of hesitation he cautiously crawled closer and picked up the key that lay discarded on the mattress. It was a little miracle in itself that he had managed to put on the cuffs all on his own but he decided not to question it.  
When the lock clicked softly and his hands were free again, Tao seemed to radiate waves of hot embarrassment.  
"It's alright." Kyungsoo softly reassured him in a quiet but steady voice while pulling him upwards a little.  
"We'll try it."

Suspiciously wet eyes looked at him and Kyungsoo couldn't help but to ruffle his hair once.  
"This looks uncomfortable though. Why don't you sit up a bit more?"  
A little puzzled the blonde followed the suggestion and when his posture seemed more relaxed Kyungsoo gently locked the handcuffs again, now at a lower height close to the small of his back. Then he calmly positioned a fluffy cushion between his back and the hard metal posts. All the while he seemed eerily relaxed and put-together, but they both knew it was an act he automatically fell into as not to further unsettle the worried Tao.  
On the inside he was everything but that.  
Tao had one leg propped up, his body language oozing of uncertainty.  
Not even knowing what he was up to, Kyungsoo scooted closer and since he refused to spread his legs he gently pried open Tao's to settle in between them. The blonde showed no resistance whatsoever but the second-thoughts about all of this were still clearly visible in those gray eyes that searched his' almost desperately. Supporting his weight on his own thighs, Kyungsoo answered his gaze and inhaled deeply to muster up some much needed courage for this.  
Then he slowly reached out to unbutton his shirt.  
There was no hurry in his movements as he opened one button at a time. He could feel the steady breathing of the body below his finger tips and as he looked up fleetingly he saw that Tao had closed his eyes, a relaxed and peaceful expression on his face. Kyungsoo wondered whether he wanted him to think that it was no big deal or whether it actually wasn't. Because for him, it was. Never ever had he undressed his boyfriend in any way. Even though he might have been able to do it, he was constantly aware of the fact that he couldn't go much further and the idea of teasing with nothing to show for it didn't seem right to him.  
He was overthinking, that much he realized.  
But every exposed inch of bronze skin washed away those thoughts to replace them with something else.  
Admiration.  
Tao was kind of lean, but it was all firm muscles and clean, smooth skin. The memory of this perfectly sculptured person having seen him shirtless was a little embarrassing. Finally the last button was opened and he carefully brushed the shirt aside. His small hand cradled the right cheek of his boyfriend who opened his eyes while leaning into his touch. There might have been a remaining blush dusting his face but his eyes showed nothing but trust and affection.  
There he was, tied to the bed with his shirt wide open and his legs spread for him. He knew for a fact that Tao wasn't the type to be restrained and submissive. At least he hadn't shown tendencies like that when he got aroused and his movements became more demanding as he pressed his body against Kyungsoo's.  
Tying down the bubbly and playful Tao seemed like such an alien concept to him.

And yet there was not an ounce of fear or hesitation in him.

It was something he could hardly wrap his mind around.  
Not only since he himself couldn't bear a situation like that without freaking out entirely. He had also heard that men who preferred to be dominant tended to have issues about showing submission in any way.  
Still, he seemed to be more important to Tao than his pride and possible anxiety.  
As his fingers carefully skimmed down the middle of the well-trained chest to his navel Tao followed his movements with interest.  
On his way back up he decided to place his whole palm on the warm skin, letting it slide over his nipple and up to his shoulder.  
A barely audible sigh rumbled through him and it went right through Kyungsoo as well, leaving a happy fluttering in it's wake. His boyfriend was feeling good and it was thanks to his touch. He also didn't feel the panic clawing at his insides yet. It did seem to help that Tao was not able to actually touch him, but another major point was the calmness he radiated while Kyungsoo kept exploring his upper body with one palm while the other carefully held onto his waist.  
"You're skin is so warm...", he murmured absently and leaned closer to place his cheek against his collarbone in a curious attempt to get closer to the warmth. In response, Tao merely nuzzled his nose into the black mop of hair.

Now that the bare skin was all up in his face Kyungsoo couldn't resist the urge to turn his head and let his lips brush against it. Once. Twice. Being so close to him he could feel his heartbeat quicken even though he didn't say a word.  
The reaction piqued his interest and he repeated the action, slowly traveling to place a kiss above his heart. The soundless sigh he received felt like a reward and encouraged him to place more kisses onto his skin, slowly tracing back the way his hands had traveled before. From his chest over his subtle but firm abs he kissed his way down to his navel. Tao still hadn't said a word but with every inch he wandered southwards he could feel his breath getting a little heavier.  
Quite eager to please, he placed his lips on Tao's hipbones -a little more insisting than before- knowing from first hand experience that it was something he enjoyed. The effect was immediate as he could feel the muscles stiffen and heard a sharp inhale above him.  
Even though Kyungsoo himself didn't feel any direct pleasure he couldn't help but getting a little affected as well. So he repeated the action, boldly kissing above the hem of his shorts.  
But it was a moment later when he was carefully brushing his lips against his side that Tao let out a short and slightly strangled whimper for the first time. A little startled he stopped his ministrations before curiosity got the better of him and he pressed a harder kiss right on his heated skin. Another low moan followed, a little louder than before. He looked up from his kneeling position to tilt his head in slight wonder. Tao had thrown his head back with his eyes closed and lips firmly pressed together.  
Of course it was common sense for Kyungsoo that others didn't feel about things the way he did. Still it was fascinating to see him reacting so strongly in a place Kyungsoo was feeling nothing but discomfort. With new-found interest he sat up and began to rub his shoulder as he leaned forwards to press a kiss right onto his ear.  
"Ah-"  
The surprised mewl heavily got to Kyungsoo and sparked some almost foreign feeling of desire in him. Sheepish at the sound he made, Tao bit his lip and turned his head away a little, unintentionally offering him more places that begged to be kissed.

The quietly buzzing feeling of excitement inside him grew intensely with every sound that escaped Tao.  
It was a mix of genuine fascination and allure, settling heavily in his stomach. And below it.  
Feeling bold he placed a very careful kiss to his throat, causing the blonde to lift his head to give him better access and that was when he stopped in his tracks once more with his breathing coming out just that bit heavier as well. He withdrew himself and re-arranged his posture, placing one knee on each side of Tao's legs to sit on his thighs, carefully avoiding sitting too close to the hard bulge he had already lightly felt while hovering in between his legs. The position was a little scary and he knew he was roughly pressing Tao's thighs together, but he didn't voice any complaints. Returning to his previous thought chain he lifted himself up a little and the gray eyes followed him, looking up at him.

Steadying his weight on Tao's shoulder he slid one single finger from his cheek down the side of his neck and left it to trail over his throat. The blonde didn't seem unsettled at all as he kept gazing up at him with slightly parted lips.  
He already looked slightly disheveled but his big, sparkling eyes seemed almost pleading.  
Slowly Kyungsoo wrapped his fingers around his throat, his grip light as a feather.  
Tao's eyes fluttered shut as he obediently tilted his head upwards.

Slightly out of breath himself Kyungsoo looked down at him. Never in his life had he felt so powerful. Hovering above and looking down at him with his hand practically wrapped around the throat of his boyfriend. His sweet, sweet boyfriend who had never in his life experienced anything else than a few kisses. Who was now completely submitting himself to him, pliant and even willing towards every touch of his. And even as he added a minuscule amount of pressure Tao did not even flinch.  
He was so... pure. Like a blank piece of paper.  
There were no invisible finger prints on his skin, like they were all over Kyungsoo.  
He was completely untouched and didn't even know the concept of fear.  
The dizzying haze of desire and excitement was lifted a little as he thought about how much he wanted it to stay that way. That his wonderful Tao would never ever need to feel any fear. That he'd stay lively, affectionate and... free.  
He lowered his head to peck his lips.  
The first peck was too quick for Tao to react. The second as well. But when he responded with light pressure to the third, Kyungsoo found himself making the fourth last even longer. Soon their kisses turned open-mouthed and Kyungsoo's fingers traveled to rub light circles into the crook of his neck. He could feel Tao mirroring his actions, not trying to initiate anything on his own. It was a little unfair how composed he still was with Kyungsoo being in such a dominant position over him. It was probably this thought that spurred him on to lower himself until he was openly sitting on his crotch, and Tao moaned deeply into his mouth.  
The sound was erotic and went through him like a tiny electric shock, encouraging him to apply more pressure to greedily swallow his next moan as well. By now he couldn't deny his own arousal that rubbed against the body below him in such a delicious way. Feeling the need rushing through him lifted himself up a tiny bit to fully grind down on him.  
Involuntarily Tao bucked his hips upwards to meet his, causing a half-surprised, half-moaned 'Oh-' to leave Kyungsoo's swollen lips and the blonde immediately cowered a little, fearing he might have messed it up. But it seemed that Kyungsoo still enjoyed himself enough not to mind it as their kisses got slightly sloppier and he kept setting the pace with his hands placed on the blonde's waist to feel safe. Craving to rile his boyfriend up even more he shifted to press kisses to his earlobe and the area around it.  
"Hah... Soo...!" Tao breathily whimpered with his upper body squirming from sensitivity under his touch.  
"Mmh...?" he purposefully murmured into his ear, not stilling his movements the slightest.  
"It's good..." he quietly whispered with his breath catching in his throat.  
Kyungsoo pushed down a little rougher and Tao yelped.  
"Oh yeah?" he asked in what was supposed to be pure amusement at his innocence but turned out rather strained when the need began to itch and his movements got more urgent. Tao merely kept squirming and mewling and it drove him crazy.  
He knew he could finish like this. But he didn't want to. So he lifted himself up again(gaining a weak sound of protest from Tao) to nimbly undo the buttons of his pants before sliding out of them in a rather awkward tangle of limbs before tugging at his boyfriend's elastic shorts.  
"Kyungsoo, you don't need to-Nnh-!" He didn't make it very far when Kyungsoo pulled down his shorts, not so gently brushing it against his erection in the process. He didn't dwell on the exhilarating feeling of their bare legs pressed against each other for too long as he didn't waste any time in tugging at his underwear next, fearing he might lose the courage after all.  
"W-what are you doing?" Tao almost squeaked as his boxer shorts got swiftly removed as well and he hissed at the cool air hitting him.  
Sitting back in his lap Kyungsoo positioned one hand on his shoulder while his right one traveled down to curl around his erection, shutting Tao up for good as he sharply inhaled. The feeling of someone else's dick in his hand was weird. But it was Tao and everything about Tao was pure and he found it amazing that he was allowed to touch him this way; to see this vulnerable and needy expression on his face, to observe his face scrunching up in sudden pleasure as he pressed his finger into the tip and smeared the precum around his head.  
He still didn't deem it wet enough and so he wiped his finger on his thigh before lifting them to his lips, all the while keeping their gazes firmly locked. When he parted them to let two fingers slip inside Tao groaned through his firmly shut lips, and he could feel him twitching beneath him. Kyungsoo languidly wet his fingers and even dared to open his mouth a little just to enjoy Tao's eyes repeatedly flitting between his eyes and the tongue swirling around his fingers.  
"Soo..." he half-whispered, half-whimpered.  
This time Kyungsoo didn't ask him anything and with need and nervousness trying to outdo each other in the his wary stomach he grasped his erection a little tighter than before.

Tao's mouth opened in a silent moan and in that moment Kyungsoo knew that he was the one leaving invisible fingerprints on Tao's skin.

And with every slow stroke his moans got louder, more urgent, more lewd and Kyungsoo could feel them touching something deep inside him.  
He went with his free hand through the sweaty blonde hair until Tao looked at him and Kyungsoo tapped two of his own fingers against his lips in an inviting gesture. Without hesitation Tao crashed his lips onto his, kissing him in the rhythm to the strokes of Kyungsoo's tiny, pale hand.  
Kyungsoo broke the kiss to tap his fingers against his cheek and received another hard kiss. He then tilted his head to tap against the side of his neck and while Tao was completely high on pleasure he still managed to see the pleading look in his deep, dark orbs and placed a softer, but lasting kiss to his throat. The feeling of panic was there but it was dull against the lust-induced haze and when he tightened his hand on instinct, Tao kissed him a little harder and Kyungsoo moaned the loudest yet.  
It was a little scary but his head knew that it was alright. And his heart knew that it was alright as well. The touch of Tao's lips was burning and it was painful, but it was also exactly what he needed. The blonde moaned into his neck louder and the clenching of his muscles told him that he wouldn't last much longer. After a rather harsh flick of his wrist Tao gasped for air and leaned against Kyungsoo's head, moaning a strangled "Aah, Soo, wait- I'm gonna-" right into his ear and Kyungsoo snapped. Before either of them had processed the situation he had harshly pushed Tao against the bed by his shoulder with a dull thud and brought an arm's length distance between them.  
They looked at each other heavily panting and with an expression of shock mirrored in both their eyes.

"I-I'm sorry..." Tao breathed out with genuine distress.  
"No, I'm sorry.", Kyungsoo interrupted him with equally heavy breathing, trying to collect himself and slowly slip back into their previous position, "I-I'll just-"  
But when he tried to reach out his hand again he found it unable to move it, frozen midway.  
The lack of air seemed to make him light-headed. Vehemently, Tao shook his head.  
"It's okay. It's... okay, just- just think about yourself first. You're more important."  
Lifting his gaze from his hand back to his shaky but otherwise determined boyfriend, he hesitated.  
"What do you mean? W-wait, you're saying I should... finish by myself? With my h-hand? Right now?"  
As if it was no big deal at all Tao nodded, leaning his back against the bed.  
Feeling flustered he slowly placed his hand on his lower stomach, still hesitating.  
"But-... isn't that awkward?"  
But Tao merely shook his head and looked him straight in the eye as his quiet voice broke into a whisper.  
"No... it's hot."  
He didn't give him one of those reassuring smiles but neither was he demanding.  
Despite being slightly overwhelmed by everything Kyungsoo felt a streak of hot affection hitting him at how much Tao actually wanted him. Not only did he accept and love him in any way, he even wanted him even though Kyungsoo was being this way.  
Biting his lip he reached for his own erection, not without letting his eyes flit up to gain reassurance that it really was alright. Wetting his lips subtly Tao only nodded again and Kyungsoo let out a content sigh as he tightened his grip and the arousal that had only slightly ebbed down after their little incident was rushing back to him. Steadying himself on Tao's shoulder he began to languidly stroke himself, still hesitating a little as he watched the gray orbs intensely following his movements. His gaze lifted and misinterpreting the uncertainty in Kyungsoo's eyes he spoke up in a quiet voice.  
"Uhm. You can also... I meant to tell you before, but..."  
Blushing even more he swallowed once and Kyungsoo's movements slowed down even more as he waited for Tao to continue.  
"I-if you feel uncomfortable with... For now - no. Forever, if you would prefer that you can... do... me." he trailed off into a whisper as he looked slightly upwards at Kyungsoo. With his shining eyes and dusty pink cheeks, anxiously waiting for his reaction.

Kyungsoo stared at him.  
Then his mouth opened in a silent laugh before he crashed his lips into Tao's with fervor and he gave himself a hard tug at the same time, moaning urgently into the kiss. With practiced ease he moved his hand harshly as he dove in for more kisses to mumble against his lips with his voice cracking slightly at every exceptionally well-aimed move.  
"If you would like that...", he began in between kissing him short but hard and passionate,  
"I can gladly..."  
Another kiss and a lustful whimper fell from the catlike lips.  
"...'Do' you."  
Licking over Tao's lips once he threw his head back a little as the pressure began to grow and he moaned quietly with his eyes trained on his boyfriend. Of course he knew exactly what to do to get himself off but having Tao watch him with such an intensity was adding a thrill to it. No one had ever seen him in this exposed and vulnerable position but he was willing, no he wanted it.  
To bare himself. To expose himself. And to get caught by his arms.  
Groaning through parted lips his movements quickened and he leaned his forehead against Tao's, his voice contorted by pleasure.  
"I can do you... If you want. I'll make it good. But Tao..."  
Panting, he placed kisses on his face, tasting his salty skin.  
"One day... I want you to gently make love to me... and cleanse my body..."  
He moaned as his voice turned breathy and yearning.  
"Erase it all..."  
Kyungsoo withdrew himself and looked into the glazed eyes of his boyfriend and his desperate voice was a little choked by the pleasure he felt surging through him.  
"And then... haah. One day... love me hard. So hard you'll burn your touch into my skin forever-" As he was growing close his eyes fluttered shut and he tapped his fingers against his ears before leaning forward and Tao understood as he pressed the sides of their faces together and hotly whispered in his ear as he left moist kisses on it.  
"I'll do that."  
The fluttering feeling was both terrifying and freeing, scorching hot against his tainted skin.  
"I'll do it all. I love you."  
With a low moan he reached his climax, holding on to Tao's shoulder for dear life as more kisses were pressed into his ear.  
He felt the hot and sticky substance on his fingers without really seeing it as he placed his head in the crook of Tao's neck to collect his breath.

When his high had slightly ebbed down he straightened himself up a little and reached for his discarded pants to wipe his hands. It was dirty and highly disgusting but he couldn't find it in himself to move and besides that, Tao was still very much aroused. He tugged himself back into his underwear but before he could make another move the blonde interrupted him.  
"Stop. It's okay, I told you. Let's... rest, okay?"  
"B-but-"  
Tao merely shook his head with a small smile.  
"It'll go away, don't mind it."  
Taking a few deep breaths, Kyungsoo finally relented. He was indeed exhausted, not only physically but mentally.  
So he carefully climbed off his lap to plop down next to him ungracefully as he reached for the key on their nightstand to unlock the handcuffs. With a low groan Tao stretched his arms, letting his bones crack several times and Kyungsoo could already see the spots that would be bruised the next day by the metal posts pressing against them. He felt guilty but Tao only pouted at him childishly, all the tension forgotten.  
"Soo, I can't feel my fingers."  
He lightly shook his head at him as he smilingly reached for his arms, carefully massaging them to stimulate the blood flow.  
Tao sighed in satisfaction.  
"Look at this mess we made..." Kyungsoo mumbled. The blankets were weirdly crumpled at the side of the bed, their clothes scattered and Tao was still wearing his dress-shirt while Kyungsoo himself was still in his shirt and boxers. And of course there was the shiny pair of handcuffs innocently lying on the nightstand.

Shaking his head he looked back at Tao with a chuckle.  
"Handcuffs. I can't believe you."  
With a flustered look he nudged his arm.  
"You should have seen your face though. You looked like you were about to faint."  
Kyungsoo fell into a quiet laugh and Tao joined him. They quickly made room for themselves and threw on some proper sleeping attire before slipping back into bed with the regular arm's length of space between them.

"C-can you turn around? I... I'd feel safer that way.", Kyungsoo suddenly mumbled and when Tao placed a soft kiss on his nose and turned to face the wall Kyungsoo knew that there had been no disappointment in his eyes.  
Tao flinched a little in surprise when he felt the lithe body of his boyfriend pressing up against his back softly, but he didn't say anything and merely smiled. Carefully he let his hands run up through his blonde hair to innocently rest on his upper arms.  
"You know...", he mumbled as he carefully made himself comfortable, "I still feel bad for leaving you hanging like this."  
He felt a chuckle running through the taller body and he sounded mildly amused.  
"Are you joking, Soo? You gave me the show of my life - I won't have any trouble getting off in the future."  
Punching him in embarrassment he buried his face in the back of Tao's warm one with a groan.

Before they both drifted off into a deep sleep Kyungsoo placed one last tender kiss on the back of his neck, just below the hairline.  
"I love you, too."

At some point during the night Kyungsoo panicked in his sleep and pushed Tao away from him, waking up at the opposite side of the bed once more.  
Tao still smiled brightly when they woke up.  
And Kyungsoo had never felt more safe in his life when he returned the smile.

 

If you asked Tao today whether he believed in love at first sight he would still nod earnestly, but he would also add that love at first sight was a tiny thing next to love that grew over a long time.

If you asked Kyungsoo today whether he believed in love at first sight... He would still stare at you judgingly and then turn away so you wouldn't see the small smile tugging at his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> ...if you made it to this point I can wholeheartedly thank you for bearing with my first, poor attempt at dealing with smutty themes. It was hella difficult but also a very valuable experience.  
>  As always, if you've got any questions, suggestions, or simply wanna let me know your opinion, feel free to do so~  
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt


End file.
